Discipline

23 Apr 2015

Challenging Behaviour – Why I Think the Way I Do.

Teachwell Behaviour Children, Discipline, Early Years, Primary School 5

I have written many responses to blogs about abusive behaviour in children and I thought it was time to write why I think the way I do.

a) The idea I have been told many a time is that children who present with challenging behaviours are suffering in a way that other children are not. It is a cry for help and we must respond with greater love, patience, kindness, etc.

Yet in my experience this simply has not been the case. I have taught many children who have had awful experiences and they do not all act out at all.

Recently I spoke to a friend who is Professor in the field of behavioural psychology to check whether I was just plain wrong about this. He stated that all the credible research he knows in this area points to the fact that two people can have the same experience and respond differently. They believe that it is due to resilience but it is still an area where much study is being conducted.

At best this means that we need to be wary of the idea that challenging behaviour = greater suffering.

b) While I can accept that a strict teacher like myself may fail to implement the nurturing approach well, I find it harder to accept that my colleagues who are way more patient and nurturing than me have also similarly failed to change behaviour via this approach. It’s not right to keep brushing this experience under the carpet or blaming the teacher. Why is this particular approach so sacrosanct?

c) I have not known of a child who has changed their behaviour as a result of this approach. I’m not saying it has never happened ever anywhere. But for me now this is in the realms of a myth as every time I have asked to observe someone trying out the latest nurture based strategy it has never materialised. In ten years I think its fair to have seen it working at least once.

d) Abusive behaviour is learnt – the child has not decided to learn it. It’s the environment. However some strategies leave me cold, don’t challenge, walk on eggshells, give them what they want, accept the abusive behaviour, blame yourself – what have you done to ‘make’ the child react in this way, give them what they want, give them control. Anyone who has grown up in an abusive environment has seen that behaviour – from the victim. I can see why it placates as it falls into the realm of the familiar patterns of behaviour that child is used to being around. However well meaning, reinforcing a negative pattern of behaviour or type of relationship can not be the way forward.

While children with challenging behaviour undoubtedly need help and support. I can not, in all conscience, advocate any strategies that fail to address or change the behaviour or worse even, have the abuser-abused roles being played out in front of the class.

9 Apr 2015

Oh Look the Sun Came Out Today and Made the Ice’ – Conversations I’ve Had That Changed Me.

Teachwell Education Policy, Teaching and Learning Child-Centred, Discipline, Methods, Primary School, Teachers, Theory 0

“Oh look the sun came out and made the ice.’

Me: ‘But the sun doesn’t make ice _____! It melted the snow that fell yesterday, but it doesn’t by itself turn it into ice.’

‘Why are you going on about the snow? What has the snow got to do with ice?’

Me: ‘But _____ ice is the result of snow that has melted and then the cold temperature has resulted in the water freezing – that’s how we get ice.’

‘Don’t be silly snow is snow and ice is ice.’

Me: ‘Ok ____ well if that’s true then why isn’t there ice when the sun comes out the rest of the year? Why is there ice on the ground when the sun hidden? Why is it that there is always snow before this much ice on the ground?’

‘Look is the sun shining in the sky? Is there ice on the ground?’

Me ‘Yes and yes but that doesn’t mean the sun makes ice!!!’

‘Well, I know what I know.’

So ended the conversation.

Why did it change me? ______ should have read Dad in the above sentences.

I know there are many who disagree with the baseline assessment, formal teaching too soon, loss of play, resitting Year 6 tests in Year 7. While I agree with their sentiments, there is something about the so-called ‘progressive’ stances taken that doesn’t sit well with me.

The reasoning behind our current education is because ‘ignorance’ was one of the great evils that Beveridge thought needed defeating. The conversation above is just one of many that follow a similar pattern with my dad. He doesn’t like it when I disagree with him about the theories of the world that he has created to cope with his illiteracy.

He decided that he did not want to go to school when he was younger and chose to skip school from the age of 6 in India. Back in the days, they never actually checked or informed parents so something like would not happen today. However, what is worrying me is the level of ‘choice’ that it seems acceptable to give to our youngest children. Given the choice I imagine many would like my dad go off and play not learn to read or write. He never changed that choice either. There is no reason he should – it was what was immediate that mattered.

It breaks many a heart to see young children being asked to read and write – however, interacting with my dad breaks my heart too. Seeing him write his name in capitals, rote learn every word, not being able to access the world around him. He is lucky and fortunate that my brothers and I have always been able to compensate and have never taken advantage, but others have, often close to him. It does affect his ability to trust, cope with social situations, interact with his peers and learn new skills. It has made his life harder and that of my siblings – especially my older brother.

I’m not saying test 4-year-olds to oblivion or make them sit in rows reciting. However as adults, we need to think about more than just the here and now when it comes to children. A more sensible debate is needed about what children learn, how much ‘choice’ in the process is healthy for a young child and what we want to achieve. Also, what needs to be taught and mastered at a younger age. Should we pare down the subjects taught for Key Stage 1 to focus on literacy and numeracy more (providing the context is still provided by those subjects)?

When all is said and done, as a family we will continue to compensate and will do so for the rest of his life. It is a worry and one that grows with his age – but that might happen to others for other reasons too I accept that. It is sad that he will never pick up a book and read it, even though it might be of great interest to him. His lack of independence is not something I would not want anyone to go through.